This is going to be a rant that has been on my mind as of a couple weeks ago.


I'm BROKE. I don't mean I have a job, but I have to be responsible and spend my money on bills broke. I mean I'm unemployed, haven't bought a thing for myself since last year, barely have clothing cause I can't afford to buy new clothing BROKE. So I haven't been able to buy any books. Most the books I own are big and non fiction and lately I've been in the mood for fiction. Because of this problem, I've been reading ebooks that I've downloaded from a torrent site. aka FREE BOOKS.


I feel guilty, not because I'm downloading it illegally. Cause honestly, no book is worth spending $30 dollars or more on. HONESTLY. Unless it's an edition book. But a lot of people know what I'm talking about when I say, books are expensive if you read a lot and aren't buying them used. Even if it's used the money will add up. A lot of readers are book collectors and I know personally, it's always been my dream to have my own personal library of books that I've read.


Anyways, back the the problem. It's not that I feel guilty I downloaded them illegally. Its that I don't like feeling like the book I'm reading is not actually in my room with all my other books in my collection. And of coarse one day, I'll buy all the books I've read online so I can have a physical copy, but it frustrates me. I am the type of person who likes to turn the phone and the laptop off to read. Not stare at a laptop screen for more than I already do.


I feel jealous that so many people on this site and YouTube can buy a book and read it within shipping days. Then buy another book after book. While I have to read it online, but I don't get to hold the book, and place it on my stand like the rest of the books I have. It's just a ritual that as a book reader I do. I welcome my books to the collection. It's IMPORTANT to me and I'm not able to do that, cause I'm stuck to reading ebooks.


I tried to get excited about it and say I'll have an ebook collection. It's just not the same though. I don't even like ebooks. :/